Ghosted: "Mr. Cop"
/One word... GHOSTED! UGH!
This damn word makes me roll eye x100! If you aren't eye rolling yourself maybe it hasn't happened to you and THANK GOODNESS for that!
Gosh, I wouldn't wish this on anyone as it is so cold and heartless! Quite frankly, it's pretty childish if you ask me! For those who don't know what this term means, I will shed some light.
You are dating someone and everything is going great, then without a warning (instead of telling you they aren't interested or the real truth) they just disappear like a ghost without a trace for their own selfish reasons. Why can't guys grow a pair and just be REAL? I would have so much more respect for a dude if they were honest. Listen, I know I cannot be everyone's cup of tea (although I do love tea!) but that is no reason to play mind games.
AIGHT, NOW FOR THE TEA! Of course I got a story to share with you and OOO, IS IT A GOODIE! You may want to grab your favorite adult beverage of choice for this one as I was shocked even living it!
So we are going to circle back to Fall of 2017. What a different life I lived, I was working full-time in corporate, plus on top of that worked a seasonal part-time job selling jewelry. Now that is all another story in itself, but I needed to set the tone for you! My manager at the jewelry company and I, lets call her Mia, became friends. That January I quit my corporate job to pursue my passions and get a more fulfilling life for myself. As a result, I let go of working at the jewelry company since it didn't work with my new schedule anymore, and still remained friends with Mia.
Around May, Mia asked me to go to the city with her, as she had a guy she wanted me to meet. Let's call this dude "Mr. Cop" since he is a police officer in Brooklyn. "Mr. Cop" is best friends with the guy Mia was dating at the time. Mia felt that we would have a good connection and figured since both guys were performing in a show in NYC that it would be the perfect opportunity to meet without pressure. If things didn't go well, no harm as more of her friends were coming along to see them perform. I thought what did I have to lose! I wasn't looking for anything but if a sparkle naturally happened I wouldn't be opposed.
Gosh I remember that night to the T! I remember I wanted to dress casual but still cute! I wore a simple racer back white cotton tank top with ripped blue jeans, navy wedge converse, hair done with all loose big curly waves and of course had to top the outfit off with red lipstick! When we all arrived at the place, Mia introduced me to the guy she was dating. Now mind you, a bunch of other people were surrounding him. Yet my attention was drawn to this guy in a red Yankees baseball hat, red t-shirt and jeans with white Nike sneakers. He had this Italian/Latin look to him with dark features, plus he had a nice built on him (clearly he caught my eye).
To my surprise, it was "Mr. Cop" and we INSTANTLY hit it off! The conversation was flowing and it just felt easy. I remember at the end of the night before we left I said to him "Are you going to take my number or not?" Wise choice, he took it and the texting began shortly after I left.
We would talk pretty much everyday either by text or on the actual phone (yes I am one of the few people who prefer actual phone calls rather than texting!) It was so nice getting to know him. Our first date was planned a week after meeting, but didn't end up happening. His sergeant on the day of our date unfortunately got hurt, and he went with his colleagues to Broolyn to visit him. Left me hanging throughout the day as if he would be back in time. I reached out after work and told him let's just reschedule as it was already after 5 p.m.
If you are a New Yorker you know leaving Brooklyn at 5 p.m. means pack a bag, meal and snack because you won't be home for a while!
Of course I was disappointed and hopeful that it was the truth. Sometimes people make up stories to cover up the other agendas... I had been single for a long time and been on many dates - let's just say the stories are ENDLESS! Have you read my book, "Table for ONE Please?" Point of the story, I gave him the benefit of the doubt!
A few weeks went by and FINALLY we had our date! He wanted to surprise me where we were going so he picked me up from my house. Like a gentleman opened the car door for me, which I am not used to, but definitely love! You get serious brownie points for me when you do that! The little things are the extra things that mean the most. He took me to Bar Louie in Babylon and it was a blast! Great conversation, drinks were flowing and ended up back at his place! Yes it happened, and I am not ashamed of it. Listen this is a judgement free zone, and I am a grown-ass woman! I will just leave that there!
A week went by and we were still in contact and eagerly waiting when I could see him again. All signs were good until randomly the calls and texts just stopped! Out of nowhere all forms of contacts gone! I reached out twice and never heard from him. I even told Mia and she had no idea what happened either! I understand being a cop can be crazy BUT listen we all always have our phones on us. GOSH, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people don't answer my texts or return my calls.
Best believe I was disappointed! This was the first guy I gave a chance to after the burglary at my apartment, and it was a BIG DEAL! At the time I didn't have proof but I was confident that the guy I was dating at the time did it. Last December, I got my proof but regardless, opening up to someone wasn't easy for me! At first I was like was it me!? Normal reaction and seconds later I was like, HECK NO! Clearly something was going on but why couldn't be own up to it?
Of course I continued to live my life thinking that was it for "Mr. Cop" until two years later, which brings us to November 2019 right around my birthday! Weeks before I found out the new evidence of my burglary and my car accident.
I get a text from an unknown number...
"Hey Amanda, it is "Mr. Cop." I know it's been a while and not sure if you remember me, but I had to reach out. What I did to you was wrong and I am sorry for that. I was going through my own personal issues that had nothing to do with you. You didn't reserve to be treated that way as you are a great girl. I wanted to let you know I am sorry."
Are you staring at the screen with your mouth open too?! RIGHT!! RIGHT!!! RIGGGGHTTTTT! GO HEAD OPEN THAT OTHER BOTTLE!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT ISH!!! I'll give you a moment...
Somehow two years goes by, randomly still has my number and thinks to himself let me reach out to Amanda! Mind you, this was extremely noble and took a lot of courage! Not many people can own up to their mistakes and that I can appreciate. But still, I didn't see this coming at all! I don't know what came over me but I gained a little respect for him. I was SHOCKED! It took me a little, but I ended up replying that I appreciated his apology and that I was beyond MIND BLOWN to hear from him two years later!
We started chatting and the connection arose again. Conversation was flowing and I felt a comfort in talking to him. With some thought, I ended up giving him a second chance as I wanted to believe him. He seems deeply sorry and the fact he felt the need to reach out spoke volumes. Due to both our hectic schedules, finding out the news about the burglary and then my car accident, we didn't even end up going on our date until Christmas time.
Again, he wanted to pick me up and asked if I liked sushi. I mean HELLO, I LOVE SUSHI! One of the ways to my heart. He picked Aji 53 which is one of my favorite sushi places. Major points for that! Once he picked me up we jumped into each other's arms. Oh, that hug had such much love, warmth and comfort. I felt it deep in my soul! I can always appreciate a great hug. We picked up right where we left off two years ago. He opened the door for me and we were off.
Of course I had to tease him a few times about ghosting me, but he rolled with the punches! The conversation was flowing and everything was perfect. The night had to end early because he needed to pick up his cousin at JFK. He drove me back home and we hung out in front of my house in his car for a little. That whole looking into each other's eyes with that whole kiss thing that needs to happen, along with giggles and blah, blah, blah! You know what I am talking about here. It was a first kiss all over again.
This song came on the radio something about I know you are hurt, but I'm going to be the one to change that! So cliche, I know, but I thought it was a sign.
That kiss! THAT KISS! It was so beautiful. And of course just as we were in full force make-out session, I hear someone pulling something around the car! "Mr. Cop" goes, "Who in the world is pulling a garage can around us? GUESS WHO IT WAS... MY MOM! I am crying mortified, and crying from laughing so damn hard! I felt like I was 16 and my mom caught us! Mind you I am 33 and found it HILARIOUS!
The best part is when my mom realizes I was in the car she starts waving fast while smiling! It was PRICELESS! He got a good laugh out of it, too. I still bring it up to her from time to time as you can even plan that kind of stuff! So harmless, but of course that would happen. Our night ended with "Mr. Cop" saying "Am I going to see you again?" I replied "That is all up to you!" and he said "I will then see you very soon!" We parted ways and we started texting right away reliving the night.
At this point, everything is AMAZING! We are moving in the right direction for about a few weeks, and then he starts to get distant. I let it be as it's the holiday time and I knew he was putting in a lot of overtime. His birthday is the beginning of January, and I made sure to wish him a happy birthday at midnight because that's just what I do! I make a big deal of birthdays as everyone should feel special especially on their birthday. I write out this cute message to get a reply of "Lol thanks." Not exactly the reply I was hoping for, especially for someone I am dating or talking to (whatever term you use as I can't keep up).
Then I noticed he would reply a day or two after I sent a text and his replies were so brief. The phone calls stopped and I knew something was up. I let things marinate for a week to see how it played out and nothing! At that moment I refused to be ghosted again especially by the same person. I wanted an answer and he wasn't getting away with it again!
On a Saturday at 6 p.m., I texted "Hey! I cannot help but shake that there is some distance between us. I hope everything is ok and would hope you would be real with me!" He replied around 7 saying that he just got out of work and was tired. Then asked if we could talk tomorrow so he could give me his full attention. At that moment I knew he had to be seeing someone. If he was just busy he would have said it in that moment and then said we would talk tomorrow! I am not dumb. All I can say is EYE ROLL!
The next day rolls around with a text at 11 a.m. with normal chit chat. Kind of pissed me off as why are you continuing to leave me hanging. After an hour he says, "Oh and about your question..." Takes about 20 minutes to reply with, "I recently started talking with my ex again. Not sure where it is going but playing it by ear so I guess that's why I am distant." I go, "So define talking?" and he replies with "Well we were talking and then just randomly had sex."
Oh, sooo your dick randomly just slipped in! GOT IT!
He continues to go on that he doesn't know what the deal is with them. I put the pieces together that they LITERALLY started "talking" the day after our date! Interesting to say the least. "Mr. Cop" continues to say that we can still hangout but he is still talking to her. Yeah, that isn't ok with me! Call me old fashioned, but if I am talking, dating, having sex or whatever you want to call it, it is just with one guy. I cannot juggle nor do I want to juggle. I am going to be 34 next month, and do not have time for mind games and all in-between. I am completely happy living my life for me and a guy is nearly a bonus! I don't need a man and most certainly will not be someone's second choice. I ended this nonsense the best way I knew how but quoting the UNSTOPPABLE force Lizzo by saying, "I am not a snack I AM THE WHOLE MEAL!"
And that was the last of "Mr. Cop!"
What is obtained from this story is that it wasn't meant to be and that is ok! It shouldn't be this messy and there shouldn't be any doubt! Above all this is no reflection of who I am as a person! I was AMAZING before "Mr. Cop" and I am AMAZING if not even more without him in my life.
Yes, we had some fun moments, but that is all it was! I understood that this situation wasn't right for me and grabbed my power and let it shine! YOU are ALWAYS in control and never settle for anything less than you deserve! Was the outcome disappointing? OF COURSE! But it brought no value to my life! The right person won’t make you feel any negative energy at all or pressure you in any regards! It will flow organically without any question or hesitation!
The FANTASTICAL takeaway is that it isn’t YOU! When it doesn’t work out it is the universe’s way of protecting you by showing you they aren’t meant to be in your life! I mean THANK YOU UNIVERSE!
You are WORTHY, ALWAYS and never weaken your CROWN! Let it shine brighter than ever and know they aren’t strong enough to handle your CROWN! Simply that is their problem and their loss! Show off how you are and be proud of it because you honey are EVERYTHING!
